I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
