My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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