I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
