those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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