If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
