i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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