guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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