rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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