I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
