Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
