Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
