can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
