no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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