he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
