So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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