I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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