How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
