I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
