I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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