I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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