I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
NoShamevember. You game?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
