yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
