Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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