Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
