I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
