I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
