I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
