Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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