I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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