Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
