U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
