I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
