I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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