I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
