I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
