From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think people are normalizing furries
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
