he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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