i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
