tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
