please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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