i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
