I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
