I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
