She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
