I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
