I'm eating all of the evidence.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
