i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
