i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
