I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
