I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
